Helping someone who is experiencing abuse is not always easy. You can focus on providing support by offering a safe and judgment-free space, being patient, and letting them know they are not alone.

Abuse can occur in many ways. It can be emotional, physical, financial, sexual, and spiritual. It can also involve stalking and neglect.

If a loved one is experiencing abuse, you may want to intervene yourself or push them to make a decision, like leaving an abusive partner right away. However, it’s often better to remain patient, follow your loved one’s timeline, and offer advice when needed.

If a situation escalates and becomes violent, or you believe an adult or child is in danger, you should call 911 or local emergency services immediately.

Many people going through abuse feel as though they are to blame. They may have experienced gaslighting or dismissal from their abuser. This can lower self-esteem, making it harder for someone to open up about what they are going through in fear of receiving a similar response from others.

It is important to ensure your loved one knows their emotions are valid. When talking with them, try using supportive language such as:

  • “I believe you.”
  • “This is not your fault” or “You have done nothing to deserve this.”
  • “I am sorry this happened to you.”
  • “I am really glad you confided in me. That must have taken a lot of courage.”

Research shows that people who have experienced abuse are more likely to also experience social isolation and loneliness.

In situations of intimate partner violence, the perpetrator may have created an environment where the person is no longer able to contact family or friends. This lack of a support network can often leave people more vulnerable to further abuse.

You can remind your loved one that they are not alone and that many support options are available to them.

Creating a space that feels safe and judgment-free is vital for someone experiencing abuse to feel supported.

When having a conversation with your loved one, be an active listener. Allow them to offload. It can take a lot of courage to open up about abuse.

Try to keep checking in with them and offer practical ways they can reach out to you. For example, their partner may be monitoring their text messages and phone calls, or their home may not be a safe space. Suggest meeting at an alternative location, such as a coffee shop or park, so your loved one can speak openly.

It is important to avoid telling your loved one they must respond in a certain way, such as “You have to report this” or “You have to leave them.”

However, you can advise your loved one on what they could do, such as seeking help from professional organizations.

The following organizations offer tools and resources to support people experiencing abuse:

If someone is experiencing financial abuse, many banks offer support services to help them stay in control of their money and even re-route their mail so it can be delivered elsewhere.

When supporting someone experiencing abuse, it’s important to be patient and go at their pace.

Research shows it can often take several attempts before someone leaves an abusive partner. Remember, there is no timeline for seeking help.

It may also take your loved one time to recognize the signs of abuse and come to terms with what has happened. While this may feel frustrating to you, it can help your loved one to be patient and calm with them. Check in with them regularly and continue to remind them that you are there for them.

Remember to take care of yourself, too

Supporting someone who is experiencing abuse is not easy. Remember to take care of yourself, understand your limits, and step back when you need to.

Having a safety plan is vital and can help someone protect themselves if a situation escalates and becomes dangerous.

A safety plan can include:

  • Creating a list of emergency contacts: It can be helpful to keep a list of phone numbers, either written down or stored on a mobile phone, of people to contact in an emergency. This can include family, friends, or support organizations, like shelters. Some shelters can arrange for a cab to pick you up if you don’t have access to transport.
  • Deciding on a safe place: It can be beneficial to choose a safe place to go to in advance if a situation becomes unsafe. This could be the house of a family member, friend, or neighbor, or a local police or fire station.
  • Putting together a “go bag”: Having a bag ready in case they need to leave quickly can be helpful. This can include items such as a change of clothes, medications, a working mobile phone and charger, and some cash in case they need to use public transport or a pay phone.
  • Ensuring important documents are on hand: It can be helpful to keep official documents, such as a passport, driving license, and birth certificate, in an easy-to-reach location so they can be accessed quickly.

While you may want to maintain your loved one’s trust and allow them to seek help at their own pace, there are some situations when it’s important to get immediate help.

This includes:

  • if you or someone else is experiencing violence
  • if you believe you or someone else is in danger
  • if a child has been left in an unsafe situation

If a situation becomes violent, call 911 or local emergency services. Do not intervene yourself.

Supporting someone who is experiencing abuse can be difficult. Try to focus on creating a safe and judgment-free space, letting them know they are not alone, and encouraging them to seek support.

While you may want to intervene yourself or push them to make a decision, like leaving an abusive partner right away, it’s often better to remain patient, follow their timeline, and offer advice when needed.

However, if a situation escalates and becomes violent, or you believe an adult or child is in danger, call 911 immediately.