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Is the toy in question stuck in your vagina? Breathe! This is really NBD. It may feel like it’s stuck, but it’s not actually stuck. *Wipes sweat from forehead*
Jess O’Reilly, PhD, sexologist, relationship expert, and We-Vibe sex expert explains that there’s a natural barrier between the end of the vaginal canal and the rest of the body: the cervix.
“So, while it’s possible for a toy to feel stuck in the vaginal canal, it’s in a defined space, so it’s not climbing its way into your body,” says O’Reilly.
Is the toy stuck in your bum? The good news is that unless you’re in serious pain, your health isn’t in immediate danger. *Prayer hand emoji*
The not-so-fun news is that getting it out safely is likely going to require a trip to the doc.
Lisa Finn, a queer sex educator at the sex toy emporium Babeland, explains that the anus doesn’t have an anatomical “stop” sign.
“The anal canal is an entrance to a freeway… and that freeway is your entire digestive system,” says Finn. Meaning, a toy can travel past the bum and into the rest of your body.
This may sound scary, but there’s usually no need to panic — a doctor or other healthcare provider should be able to get it out.
Your next move varies depending on which hole it’s in.
In your vagina
If you can feel the toy, you can grab it, says Sonia Bahlani, MD, pelvic pain specialist and founder of Pelvic Pain Doc.
“To help bring the toy closer to your fingers, take a deep breath in, then take a deep breath out, then reach for it with two fingers,” says Bahlani.
In your anus
If your anal sphincter is relaxed enough that you can reach right in and get a good grip on the toy, do so, says Finn.
But this isn’t the time to simply TRY using your fingers to fish it out. “If you can’t reach it, you’ll just end up pushing the toy in deeper,” says Finn.
Again, your next move depends on which hole we’re talking about.
In your vagina
You’ve got two position options here.
The lie down method
Bahlani recommends lying down on the bed and putting your heels together, as this can help relax the pelvic floor muscles.
Now, take a deep breath in and a deep breath out.
“This will help activate the parasympathetic nervous system, promote relaxation, and decrease that lower abdominal pressure, which allows the muscles to relax even more,” explains Bahlani.
At this point, you should be able to reach your fingers inside and feel the toy.
The key word here is ‘fingers’! Not tongs, tweezers, spoons, or any other household item.
The squat method
Coat your vaginal walls with lube. Then, use your fingers (yes, fingers!) to gently spread the canal open.
“Now do squats to let gravity do its thing,” says Finn. Praise be.
In your anus
“You don’t want to take any risks with the anal canal — you want to get the toy out soon and safely,” says Finn. “Go to urgent care or the emergency room ASAP.”
Woot, woot! You got the toy out!
But if you just removed the toy from your bum, your work isn’t done quite yet.
Finn explains that if something got stuck in your anus, it means you used something that wasn’t designed to go inside the anus. (Hey, no judgement! You’ll know better for next time.)
So, even if you managed to finagle the toy out on your own, she recommends bopping over to urgent care.
The tissue lining the anal canal is incredibly delicate and prone to microtears, says Finn. A doc will be able to check for cuts and, if needed, prescribe an antibiotic to reduce risk of future infection.
“Head to your health practitioner immediately,” says O’Reilly.
If it’s in the vagina, your provider will insert a speculum into the opening and retrieve it using a tool called ring forceps.
If it’s in the rectum, your provider may be able to retrieve the item the same way, with a speculum and ring forceps.
But if the toy has travelled further up the digestive tract, they may need to get into the abdomen to extract the toy. This will likely involve surgery.
“Don’t be embarrassed,” says O’Reilly. “They’ve seen this before!”
Nothing good!
Possible side effects include:
- infection
- rips or other tears
- bleeding
- pain
- bowel troubles
Symptoms will persist until the toy is removed.
Once more for the readers in the back: Breathe!
Yes, a toy can get stuck in the butt or feel stuck in the vagina. And yes, if this happens, you want to get the toy out ASAP (as soon as possible) and ASAP (as safely as possible).
But so long as you use toys (read: not household objects) during play, and the right toys for the right holes, the risk is pretty darn low.
Don’t let the fear of getting a toy stuck in your vagina (again) keep you from enjoying the potential pleasure vagina-safe toys can bring.
We believe pleasure is a fundamental aspect of a safe and healthy sex life. That’s why we rely on experienced writers, educators, and other experts to share their suggestions on everything from the technique you use to the sex toy you buy.
We only recommend something that we genuinely love, so if you see a shop link to a specific product or brand, know that it’s been thoroughly researched — if you know what we mean. Wink.
Load up on lube
This tip is especially important if the toy is made of silicone.
Finn explains: “Silicone can be grippy.”
With adequate water-based lube (like the Cake Toy Joy or Sliquid Sassy) this can be incredibly pleasurable.
But without adequate lube, there can be too much friction, which creates that ‘stuck’ feeling.
Use toys for their intended purpose
“Most toys are shaped for a specific use,” says Finn.
Unless a toy is specifically designed for internal stimulation — like a G-spot vibrator, thruster, dildo, or rabbit vibrator — Finn recommends only using it externally.
Some of the best internally safe toys include:
Consult a pelvic floor specialist
Toy or no toy, do your pelvic floor muscles spasm long after orgasm?
If so, Bahlani recommends chatting with a pelvic floor specialist, because this is a sign of something called hypertonic pelvic floor dysfunction.
Hypertonic pelvic floor dysfunction occurs when your pelvic floor muscles become so tense that they’re unable to completely relax, often resulting in uncomfortable spasms after penetration or orgasm.
In some cases, when someone with a hypertonic pelvic floor uses a penetrative toy, “the pelvic floor muscles will continue to spasm after climax, which can make it harder for the toy to come out and cause that ‘stuck’ feeling,” explains Bahlani.
Although there are things you can do for short term-term relief (mainly, breathing through it), a pelvic floor specialist can help address and solve for the underlying dysfunction.
“If anything is going in the butt, there are two nonnegotiable rules,” says Finn. Here they are:
Use butt-safe toys ONLY
‘Butt-safe’ is code for: Has a flared base or handle that keeps the toy outside of your body.
On the market for a butt safe toy? These are some of the best:
Lather up on lube, lube, and more lube
“The butt doesn’t self-lubricate, which means you need to provide the lubricant that decreases sticky friction and increases pleasure,” says Finn.
Most butt-safe toys are made of silicone, which isn’t compatible with silicone-based lube. Stick with a water- or oil-based option.
The most important thing you can do is help your partner stay calm.
Dr. Bahlani explains: “When someone has a toy stuck inside them, what you don’t want is someone becoming more anxious.”
Anxiety → muscle tension→ makes the toy harder to retrieve.
Whatever usually helps your partner relax is fair game here. But you might also:
- brush their hair
- have them sync their breath to yours
- play Bon Iver (because obviously)
- rub their back
If the toy is stuck in their vagina and they ask for your help, you can wash your hands and then try to reach for the toy with two fingers.
But if the toy is in their bum, leave it! The best thing you can do is chauffeur them to the ER.
Getting a toy stuck can be embarrassing, so go heavy with the words of affirmation. You might try:
- “Baby, I know you’re uncomfortable right now, but in an hour this will all be over, and we go home and cuddle while watching ‘Grey’s’ reruns.”
- “I know you’re embarrassed right now, but I hope you know that you’re still the hottest, most intelligent person that I’ve ever met.”
Sex toys can be a seriously pleasurable accoutrement to your solo or partnered sex life. So keep on playing on!
Just be sure to do so safely so you can save yourself the headache of panic-Googling “how to remove a stuck sex toy.”
Gabrielle Kassel (she/her) is a queer sex educator and wellness journalist who is committed to helping people feel the best they can in their bodies. In addition to Healthline, her work has appeared in publications such as Shape, Cosmopolitan, Well+Good, Health, Self, Women’s Health, Greatist, and more! In her free time, Gabrielle can be found coaching CrossFit, reviewing pleasure products, hiking with her border collie, or recording episodes of the podcast she co-hosts called Bad In Bed. Follow her on Instagram @Gabriellekassel.